6 People You Will Meet At A Pakistani Gathering


 If you are ever socializing in Pakistan, keep your eyes peeled for these 6 party favourites:

1. The Rishta Aunty. Beware the well-dressed, well-groomed seemingly innocent aunties who could give Austen’s Emma a run for her money. Their one true dream is to find a suitor for every single boy and girl they see. Conversations typically start with “how old are you beta?” and go deep into uncomfortable and awkward territory. Should you see anyone matching this description, do yourself a favor and avoid eye contact at any cost. 

2. The Gossip Corner. These people are well aware of the ‘goings on’ in every society. They know everything: who’s doing what, where, why and how. They tend to stick together in little clusters, discussing the private lives of everyone within their range of sight. At the slightest whisper of a new scandal you will witness their eyes pop and faces gleam as they turn to the person next to them, ready to dissect their newest earth quaking exposé. 

3. The Foreign Return. You can hear them and their fake American accents even before they enter the room. They're usually young men and women returning home from college, or on a vacation from work. They will boast about how life in the States is a dream: "it's so much cleaner, safer and more organized. I miss it already!” You will start praying that they somehow decide to go back there sooner. 

4. The Social Media Scavenger. Their biggest nightmare revolves around the words “NO WIFI”. They check in as soon as they get to the venue and immediately upload a barrage of selfies with just about anyone that is willing to indulge them. They closely monitor likes and get rather put off with you should you (God forbid!) forget to do so. #Oh #And #They #Hashtag #Just #About #Everything

5. The Newly Weds. The recently married couple will be watched like hawks by all. They are probably the ones in the most unfortunate position at these events: they need to look like they’re the happiest they’ve ever been, but if they look too happy it will cause an uproar with The Gossip Corner Aunties, who will promptly label them as the next scandal. Should the wife have gained any post-wedding weight, she will most certainly be inundated with questions of possible good news. If she's too skinny, she will be asked why there isn't any good news. She won't win either way.

6. The Bewildered Hostess. This one you will spot a mile away: she’s one that looks like she has just been through hell and back. Shoes in the corner, hair that was once blow dried now in a sad, saggy bun and eyeliner worn down to her cheeks; the hostess is usually the first one planning an emergency exit. After doing the cleaning, cooking and entertaining all by herself, you will continually see an exhausted and perplexed look on her face. She is clearly wondering why she agreed to this to begin with. 

*beta is an affectionate term used to address someone much younger to you. It is usually used by Indian and Pakistani aunties and uncles.

First published 3 December 2016