(No Longer) In Your Arms

I was born within your walls
Always escaping to find connection with our host country
Many times, you welcomed me into your arms
You gave me respite from the most difficult of memories 
Other times, you were a source of shame
You broke my heart through disownment
It’s not enough to say I never considered your importance 
Until I lost its protection
But now I live determined to prove my independence
Now, we are just acquaintances
Like ex-lovers who must politely pretend their history does not exist
And in the same way, seeing you from time to time hurts
Your arms no longer emanate feelings of home
But I will respect our past together
We weren’t meant to be together forever
And that’s okay, isn’t it?
It needs to be. 
My mind is prepared  
My heart needs to catch up. 
In time, it will. 
People ask if I will return to the arms of the military base walls
If I will rededicate my life to its significance 
No, I say, always after much thought
I just need time 
One day, I hope I will be able to look upon the barbed wire-rimmed fence 
With fondness and maturity.

---

First published 2 Nov 2019